*Published with the generous permission of Amee Vanderpool. Read more of her excellent work at Shero.
By Amee Vanderpool
I love to make vision boards — there, I’ve said it. But, they are not all devoted to my dream cottage in the country that I started creating when Pinterest rolled out. When something big happens, that upends my life and my way of thinking I have to dissect it and chew on it for a minute, taking some time to pinpoint where I went wrong with my understanding of a situation and how confident I was in that delusion.
I’m sure it is likely a healthy response to trauma, but I literally need to see where I went wrong. I’m also sure it has to do with retracing my steps and making sure not to make the same mistake again, and on and on, but I connect it to my propensity to be a control freak.
I have been ruminating on this latest Trump win that has stunned the world and left us unprepared, while Republicans put out the illusion that they had it all mapped out and planned all along. I don’t know what’s worse: feeling like my assessment of things was completely off or feeling unprepared against a team that boasts players like Roger Stone, and Steve Bannon, and Stephen Miller…wait - my breakfast is suddenly not sitting so well.
Until I have the answer — that is to say, the answer that satisfies all of the questions still lingering about this last election, and gives some insight into where my feeling and understanding of things went wrong, I intend to conduct a post mortem on the events of the last few years and find what might have been overlooked. I have to answer the riddle of this mistake in my head — that won’t stop replaying itself over and over — that has left me with a feeling that we are headed into the same mistake, again.
