10. Karate Kid: but with Charlie Kirk learning “wax on” from Steve Bannon
9. Weird Science: where Don Jr. and Eric fuck around with their computers and conjure Kim Guilfoyle from her crypt
8. (Deformed) Footloose: with Marjorie Taylor Greene and Mike Pence as the daughter/pastor
7. Sixteen Candles: with Matt Gaetz
6. Mean Girls: with Kari Lake and Tudor Dixon
5. Teen Wolf: with Ben Shapiro
4. Red Dawn: with Jim Jordan leading the rag-tag Freedom Caucus to fight for the Soviets against the U.S.
3. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off: with Madison Cawthorn, and instead of epic adventures, he just punches a tree and humps his cousin’s face
2. Real Genius: staring Donald J. Trump as Prof. Hathaway and Kevin McCarthy as his sycophant, Kent
1. Dirty Dancing: featuring Lauren Boebert and her husband. But instead of teaching Baby to dance, he ignores her and just exposes his penis to people at the resort
